S&M Upgrades Investment Grade of Various Noob Alliances

Due to extremely poor returns and high chances of default, these alliances have always received extremely poor ratings. But recently based on baseless assumptions, that should be trusted (hey, it worked for subprime mortgages) S&M, the official s4 credit rating agency has upgraded various noob alliances from "so far below investment grade, it's off the charts" to just "way below investment grade".

However, investors who have shipped thousands of resources only to find them being used recklessly by alliance leaders disagree with the upgrade and insists S&M review their assessment. Investors who have left the alliance several thousand resources poorer compares the alliance to companies like Enron & Tyco, only with worse returns. Currently, there is a class action lawsuit against various noob alliances leaders, charging them with fraud.

"To be honest, our analyst just got annoyed seeing investments classified as "so far below investment grade, it's off the charts"," shares an S&M employee who wishes to remain annonymous, "It makes printing the chart a pain."


Given the Success of the Chaoses, Others Follow Suit

s4 is gripped by the trend of having over 9000 duals after observing the success of the Chaoses. However, many have found that success hard to replicate as accounts halt to a standstill while duals headlock due to extremely large egos. Most accounts end up with troops suicided on themselves to emo music playing on the background and queues started, cancelled, restarted and re-cancelled repeatedly.

An iPhone app has been released to help duals keep track of their allotted 1 minute on the account once every three days. The app has a "Get the **** OFF." function where users' iPhones will start playing any of the High School Musical movies should users go past their allotted time slot.

"We found that most people's knee jerk reaction to watching High School Musical movies is to smash something," explains one of the app creators, "A thousand of smashed phones later, people realize that this was the best way to get their 8999 duals off the account. There's a Twilight version beta out right now and we found that it's also as effective. You should check it out!"

Editor's Note:
To the app creator kind enough to grant us the interview, our reporter sincerely apologizes for smashing your face at this point of the interview. But to cut the crap, can you just give us your name since we forgot what it is and we apparently need it for one of those "journalistic integrity" bull****??

Labels: forums, the onion, us4